#and even then id like put dye similar to my hair to get rid of blue so like

[cinderellakinnie]

i dont think i can let any of my irl friends watch rent 2005 bc i worry itll become painfully that i have on multiple occasions tried (and failed) to have rogers hair

[trixter-i-am]

When someone asks a queer person: - Why do you use male/female pronouns?

It really means: - Why do you call yourself not in the way that corresponds to my perception of your appearance and responsibilities, my identification of you?

This question can be received by me, my friends, you, anyone who doesn’t have clear masculine/feminine features. It comes from tactless, ill-mannered people believing they have the right to dig deeper than the norms of common conversation in real or online life allows. In fact, this question is similar to: why do you wear laced shoes, not velcro? Why do you drink pineapple juice instead of apple juice? Why do you dye your hair? Why do you do anything not asking me for permission? 

I’d rather think people are badly informed about various changes and trends in the world. They don’t know what they have encountered. Accordingly, they want to understand what it is - something new and unidentified.

Have you ever received questions of this kind?

But in fact it’s a threat to every person’s right to talk about themselves in the desired way, to be called a name that suits best or reflects their personality. It’s a threat to freedom of expression, freedom to be yourself and not to doubt your existence. Who said we don’t have this right? These people believe they can fix the behavior of those who are certainly no worse. We’ve spent time and energy to understand ourselves. We found the courage to admit to ourselves that we don’t conform to usual notions and don’t intend to live by binding gender models. Don’t I have the right to be me?

I had to deal with this in casual acquaintances, when completely new people took me for something most convenient for them to accept. And unfortunately it often happens even in LGBT environment.

I got this when I received creative or professional offers. People didn’t bother reading the information on my pages. Although it’s clear from my photos that I’m at least not heteronomative. Anyone is able to get acquainted with the profile before sending a PM, read at least one blog post and understand who you are dealing with to avoid asking stupid questions that force unevitable explaining. Read before you write, so that no one feels embarrassed and you don’t look like an idiot. You can’t be so primitive. But alas, often such questions come from people who want to shoot, look for interesting communication with an unusual person and as a seek development for themselves...

Yes, every time I come across such an individual, I explain. Sometimes I ignore them or just get rid of them (within the bounds of decency, for sure). Sometimes I troll them - and then they begin to justify themselves or spew venom. But mostly I explain: don’t I have the right to express myself that way? I feel that way, look, I write about it everywhere, everything is obvious even on my pictures.

I received much negativity in these situations. And most often it came from the residents of the Russian Federation, because hatred, humiliation and aggression are normal in their communications, especially among young people. Almost everyone strives to pry into someone else's life, criticize, give a spray of bile and aggression to relieve tension from their own shitty life and other people's attacks. Perhaps.

As for business proposals, I often faced the fact that people want to stop communication and cooperation after my so-called coming-out. Politeness and tactfulness on my part, my appearance, professionalism had no influence for a long time. Yes, despite the fact that I do my work better than others and I’m unique in many ways, people were frightened by my mere uniqueness and my ability to go beyond borders.

And some of them even saw who they were talking to, knew how I express myself, knew I don’t perform in feminine photoshoots or nudes, but still offered something that was insulting to me. Perhaps they cherished their hope till the end. We agreed on a compromise acceptable to both sides. We even had meetings to discuss details of the project, but people still were surprised by my appearance, gave a fake smile, and then started to invent excuses. In addition to the obvious queerphobia, there were several reasons.

Those people were: a) inattentive to both their friends and coworkers  b) cheekily considering any different position a bliss or show-off c) believing they would be able to force me to become the person they want in the very working process, when there’d be no chance to leave.

Don’t stop explaining yourself to such people or just avoid them, but never hide and never let them break you. If you show weakness or lose it to circumstances, you will lose yourself and allow them to be asserted and continue to break others.

And gosh, how many of these dumbasses have been forever removed from my circles! If it’s a more or less educated individual, then when confronted with something unprecedented or unusual he will shut up digesting embarrassment caused by the spectacle. They take your self-expression, your ideas and even your unusual name extremely negatively. You can introduce yourself to them in a convenient way, you can communicate with accepting people around them, but they will persistently continue to "put you in your place." This kind of a person doesn’t want to accept your choice and self-determination.

If you ask them to stop treating you wrong, they��ll tell you it’s hard to remember your unusual pronouns. But in fact it’s not more difficult than remembering  a new friend’s name, especially if it was you who appointed a meeting. It shows how much they depend on stereotypes and desire to place everything and everyone strictly on the shelves with a familiar, convenient label. you won’t do anything good with these people. Send them away forever, it’s pure disrespect and arrogance, given out for forgetfulness and discomfort. And why should you be uncomfortable or unhappy to please someone else's habit or selfish desires? Just never have contacts with a boor, both active or passive one. Let them regret the loss, not you.

We need to fight this. We have to fight carelessness, rudeness, disdainful attitude towards us. No one can hide behind a phrase “It has always been so, people don’t change”. If you do nothing and go with the flow, if you live by the rules of the crowd that are also created by someone clever but malevolent, then nothing will change. Never. You need to be flexible, but don’t forget to be firm in the right moment. Demand respect and proper treatment. Demand anything that’s already yours. Do not hide your real self, let those who lack intellect, move back for the sake of those who can think.

I really want to act more harshly, decisively and globally. I do not want to beg for anything, and I don’t want to be condescendingly allowed to put any third letter in my id. It is necessary to dissect the issues of gender and physical differences in general from the history of mankind and from modern society, so that no one ever has a thought of characterising any person by skin color, gender, body weight.

While our society is divided by physical data, it’s impossible to achieve mutual understanding and development. We have to grow spiritually and mentally,  and then our physical development comes. But while people are too attached to physiological definition of themselves and others it’s impossible to reach our long awaited future.